I am in way over my head. I am totally out of depth. When I interviewed for this position, I ASSumed that since Close to Home PD is the same size as Evil and Wonderful PD, it must have about the same amount of radio traffic/difficulty. I was way wrong. Close to Home is insanely, exponentially more busy than either of my recent agencies. Oh, sure I have the experience, technically. If I had come straight from Huge PD, I'd have my poop down in no time. But truthfully, in the middle of the nights at Wonderful PD, I watch DVDs and read books. I have time for Bible study and catching up on emails. At close to home, it is constant go go go go. I barely have time to catch my breath. The officers run stops back to back, there are 4 times as many officers as I am used to, as I am trying to catch up entering them into the CAD they all start calling out warrant/DL checks and I haven't even BEGUN to attempt doing phones at the same time. Also, at my other agency, WPD, I know the officer's voices like a family member. So even if someone keys the mike and just utters one syllable, I know who it was. CPD, not only do I only recognize one voice, (and that is ONLY because he sounds identical to my Uncle Jerry), but unassigned units are constantly popping up. So, say I have on all my normal Adam units and 2 Sams. On top of that the detectives (Idas) and Mcops, (Noras) sometimes, off duty so they just call out their badge number. I don't trust that I really heard what I thought I heard, so I look up at my line up. I KNOW I heard a three, I have an ADAM three, so I doubt myself and call that out and inevitably I get, "I said NORA THREE!" Oh, add on that we have overlap, so we have 1A1 working when 3A1, is working (times 1-5) and they cut off the first number. I don't recognize their names so HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE?????? Sure if they cut themselves off I can just say, "Ten 4 Adam 1" but I REFUSE to say 10-4 until I know exactly what is going on for officer safety issues. Plus it really matters for the computer's side. Add in the stress of learning a whole new code/beat/computer system, the fact that as a Per Diem employee I can only work 936 hours a year and those are rapidly being eaten up in training, and finally the most important point of this post: they thought I was going to walk right in the door, learn the codes and computer and start working right away, so I have massive unspoken pressure each time I screw up. And know what? Right now, I MASSIVELY SUCK as a dispatcher trainee. (Don't even count the fact that I have a CA cop husband, and they keep getting killed, I had my 1 year old in the emergency room for high fever this weekend, I memorize an entire script and perform as a main character every Sunday at church during our 40 days of Purpose campaign, (which I love) am the newly designated head of the Drama Ministry, teach an American Sign Language class on Monday nights, Bible Study on Tuesdays and I am coming down with a cold. ) Those factors do not and really, should not matter to CPD. I am telling you, honestly the only real pressure I am feeling is to succeed at work. The other things are being given over to God and He is handling them just fine. I think it's time to hand Him this one last thing, because, without help I am drowning and I really need this job. I CAN do this. They are training a girl right off the street with no experience. Aren't I better and more qualified? Yes, I am. So, I have scrapped my "come and go as I please/barely 20 hours a week" training that I was doing, and today at 4pm I start with a new trainer, full time, 10 hours a day with Friday- Sunday off. I have moved my ASL class to across the street on my lunch break (at my In-Laws house), I switched Bible Study from Tuesdays to Sundays and rehearsals/memorization for Drama have been moved until AFTER the stress of the work week is over, on Fridays/Saturdays. Can't do anything about the cop/husband and the 1 year old (nor would I want to!) This Sunday I finally filled out a Prayer request card for this, so the whole congregation is praying for me to do well. So guys, today I start fresh and committed. As Chris says, it's sh-- or get off the pot time and gosh darn it I want to sh--!!!!!! (Biiiiiiiiiiiiigggg deep cleansing breath...) Here goes.......(To Be Continued)
5 comments:
Hi, I found your blog through following links from other blogs, and wanted to let you know I'll pray for you too! I'm also a police dispatcher in training in Arizona. I currently am a fully trained 911 call taker, and in our department being "cross trained" is a bit of a promotion. Our department is pretty huge - 6 precincts. I figure if I can do this here, I can do it anywhere. So I'm finishing my 2nd week of radio training. I could really relate to not knowing who the officers were or being able to clearly understand what they are saying! I had one the other night who I could swear kept saying "902Lincoln" except we didn't HAVE a 902L on that night. That did make it a little easier though to know he was 903L!
I'm also a Christian and a mom, and I understand the pressure. I'll definitely visit your blog again and I'l be praying for you :)
I feel ya chickie. I am struggling with issues myself. Its a difficult thing to Let Go and Let God....with out picking it back up again and trying to do it myself.
I Like your blogs new look....and as a dispatcher, I understand what you're feeling...wanting to be the best at your job cuz you know you can.
R-
Wow. Your stress is definitely evident through your post. Sounds like you're trying to get everything organized in your life so you can focus on close-to-home PD and getting better at it. At least you are not content to settle with your current status as a trainee! Good luck with it all, I'm sure you will have it under your belt before you know it.
PS I like the new look on your blog. :)
I'm worn out and completely stressed just from reading aobut it!
Sorry to hear about the struggle, I'll be praying for you. I know how frustrating it is to KNOW you know what your doing but there's so much going on you can't do it well.
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