Ohhhhhhhhh, Baracuda!

So I was called to testify at a trial, which in my opinion is beyond stupid. Cops opinions on situations, matter, but not mine! As a 911 operator and dispatcher, I live by the motto, "They tell me, I tell you, you go." If you want to know what was said, go pull the tape, I am not paid to have original thoughts. So I had never testified before and I was feeling pretty confident. Even though the event in question had occurred months back, I had reviewed the call and by some miracle of God I actually remembered it as well. So I was up on the stand, and this 12 year old ADA begins questioning me. He was so green, stuttering and paper rifling, but I wasn't concerned, I had truth, memory and notes on my side. He finally sits down and this horrible female defense attorney stands up. Now I have seen enough episodes of Law and Order, and I was thinking I was prepared for anything. Besides, I barely did anything on this call. This lady called 911 and said her friend "Ted" just left the AA meeting drunk. Way to go Ted. So she gives us Ted's address and this is like the millionth "BOL for a possible deuce heading to XX location" I have given out. This one, however, is the only one where the "where's a cop when you need him" didn't apply. What I mean by that is; how many drunks have you seen on the road and wished a cop was around, but come on, lets be honest there just aren't enough of them to go around. I digress, so a Sgt. happened to be in the area and witnessed Ted pull into his driveway, then Ted walked into his private residence. The Sgt. and several other officers, based on the RPs info, contacted Ted, deemed he was drunk, then since the Sgt. had witnessed him driving they then arrested him on a DUI charge. Flash forward to this Defense Lady (or Dragon Lady. Either way she will be called DL.) So she stands up and is all syrupy at first, but I am ready for her. I remain calm and remember not to elaborate, just answer the question, (thanks Jack McMcoy!) Then the DL starts hammering me out of no where about what did I say and how did I say it. Then the worst thing happened. I remembered something while I was sitting on the stand that I had forgotten. So the second I said, "Wait, I just remembered...." She latched on to me like the blood sucking leech she was. Finally, exasperated, I said, "With all due respect, (not much), why don't you just pull the tape, if you want to know what I said and how I said it?" She went deadly still and pouted for a while before dismissing me. Soooooooooo, after sitting through the rest of the trial, me, the Sgt. and three other officers, were standing in the hall. We were discussing this female cop, who I will call "Jill" and I said to the guys, "That woman is an evil vindictive, b-i-t-c-h, who would eat her own young if given the chance. Right?" I couldn't figure out why they all went silent. I spun around and came nose to nose with the Dragon Lady. It's one of those moments where you feel all awkward but you know, the socially acceptable thing to do would be for both parties to ignore the comment and pretend/hope it wasn't overheard. Yeah, but that's just not me. So she is just staring at me and I say, "I wasn't talking about you, you know..." She just glared/huffed and stalked right by me. Guess I'll never know if it was because she overheard and thought I was gossiping about her or if it was because her probable cause hearing went down in flames. Either way, the good guys won.


PS. I get to take a break from training tomorrow night and work at Wonderful PD. Yeah!!!! Oh my beloved 10 codes I will see you soon. It is going to be soooo nice to not suck at dispatching again for a whole night.