Micro-CHiP

A CHP friend of ours bought Little Man this authentic little CHiPie uniform blouse. Isn't he the cutest tiny cop in the world?????


Today is my birthday. Yup, I was born on Halloween, and I'd like you to give me a present. Pretty please won't you tell me what your all time favorite costume was? I'll start. I loved my costume the year I was Ophelia after she drowned. I had just taken a stage make up class so it was pretty grusome. Can't wait to hear from ya all!!!!

10:01

I am fine until one minute after 10 am. At one minute past the hour, my eyes slide past Little Man's laughing face to the digital clock behind him on the table. In my mind, I know it's no big deal he just forgot to call, his cell battery died, or there is no reception. I know this, but I can't help but notice it is 10:01. He is often late, and that alone never worries me. 2 hours? 3 or 4? That is fine, he probably arrested someone. But everyone has a limit and 10:01 is mine. I don't need him to walk through the door; if that was my requirement I'd have gone insane by now. But we have an agreement, and he is so good about keeping it. I need to hear his voice, or if he can't call, at least a text. Something, anything. I've left a message, but I don't like to call him. I don't want to bother him. I am afraid someone else will answer. It's 10:15. Every car that passes the window in our quiet cul-de-sac draws my eyes. Little Man walks over to the front door, in that little drunken sailor way he has, and pounds on it, saying "Da Da?" I laugh and grab him in a bear hug, saying, "You're right! Daddy will be home very soon." I set him down with his toys and sit down to play with him. It's 10:30 and I can feel the tension building in my neck and shoulders. I begin a mental checklist, calmly and slowly. Just in case. I think back to the papers recently filled out and I know my Pastor would come. I know Chris' office would take the time to track him down. I try to prepare myself for how a knock on the door would feel, just in case. I imagine who it would be, which friend would be chosen for such a horrific task. I tell myself I am wise to be prepared, that it is good to have a plan. My mind withdraws farther and farther from those thoughts, never really forming an actual plan and I realize, I've hit a line, that I refuse to cross. It's 10:45, I am gathering up Little Man's toys, getting him ready for his nap. My mind is completely blank as I choose to think of nothing at all. I lay Little man down in his crib and I look down at my beautiful son. A minature version of Chris, with my dark eyes. I think about how blessed I am that, even if something bad happens, I have this perfect miracle; a part of Chris and I. It's 11:00 and I quietly close the door behind me so I don't wake up the baby. It's 11:01 and as I sit and gaze out the window, Chris' truck pulls into the driveway. I watch him, as he strides up the front walk. The key is in the lock, it turns and the door opens. I don't say a word. He looks at me and he has no idea what I am thinking. "Hey." he says. And he is so tired, and his night was so long. All of the sudden I am furious. All the tension breaks in me and I practically yell, "Why didn't you call, and don't say your cell phone died, you could have used someone elses, and don't say there was no reception because you could have used a landline! We have an agreement, remember? I need some kind of contact from you when your going to be this late." And I hate the tone in my voice, but I can't stop it. I pride myself on being the best cop's wife I can for him, so even as the words come out I regret them. "Check your phone." Chris says quietly. I scroll through the messages and I see the text: IT'S 10:00 AND I AM GOING TO BE LATE. I LOVE YOU. I'LL SEE YOU SOON. I'm sorry for my mini meltdown and apologize for the outburst. If this happens again I will try to remember to not freak out....But everyone has a limit and 10:01 is mine.

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Last night a Sacramento S.O. Deputy was shot and killed. Again. That makes the third Police Officer in California this week. It is escalating. And I am so tired. So very tired of seeing black bands on Officer's Badge's.

Mary, Ocean, Robert, Ocean, Nora

Ever since falling madly in love with Super Troopers some years back, I love to hear RPs read the letters in plates or VINs out phonetically. (Remember Farva? "Peanut, Eunich....") Anyway I had a humdinger of an RP yesterday and even though my trainer was listening in, I couldn't resist asking this guy to give me the letters on the vin of his stolen vehicle, like that, "You know, Sir, if you come to a "C" you say cat, stuff like that..." "Oh, ok" he replies, quickly, and I think it will be interesting but I wasn't prepared to have to mute him so he wouldn't hear me gufawing.

Here goes:

M.o.r.o.n Guy: OK, I lost the plate. So the Vin number is: Jump, Cathy---

Me: Wait is that with a "C" or a "K"?

MG: "C ." Then, Adult, Wiffle Ball,

Me: Do I count the "Ball?"

MG: No. Then there are some numbers. Then the letter----

Me: Hang on. Go ahead and give the numbers to me also.

MG: OK. Two, um that starts with "T" like Tom

Me: Um, no just the letters phonetically

MG: Oh, OK Tom, Waffle, Oscar,

Me: Wait stop. Are you giving me new letters or are you spelling out the number two ????

MG: But I thought I----

Me: Let me explain again how to do this......[I explain again]

MG: "Got it. [tells me the #s] G as in Garbanzo beans, P like, oh, man...

Me: Paul? And let me guess, don't count the beans...

MG: Wow, you are really good at that! Ok, P like Paul---

Me: Another P? Or the same P?

MG: Another one. T like....Tea, B, like Bee...

Me: I am gonna just stop you there because now we have way to many numbers/letters.

MG: Oh, OK, from the beginning J like Jaywalking-----

Me: Just stop. Here is what we are going to do. Just say the letter and I will ask you if I can't tell what it is.

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My trainer must have thought that I was the real moron!

And now here is the cherry on my ice cream o' fun:

Moron Guy: Wait there is one other thing. I got a warning notice in the mail that if I don't move the vehicle soon, it will be fined for 72 hour abatement.

Me: The stolen vehicle you are reporting?

Moron: Yeah, what should I do?

Me: Weeeeeellll since the vehicle has been stolen, that means technically it has been moved, so how about we just don't worry about that right now.

Moron: (Doubtfully) ...OK....

I said it before, and I'll say it again....I LOVE MY JOB.

The Keyboard Can be a Dangerous Thing....

So, I am still sick. My doc thought I had mono, but turns out it was just a really bad viral infection crossed with a Sinus infection. I was so relieved to hear it wasn't mono cuz I had mono one time and it turned into meningitis and I lost my whole memory. That sucked. I digress. Since I have been off work for over a week, I got nothing new. However, I totally forgot to share my two favorite "Huge PD" stories! I may have already shared this, but I couldn't find it in my archives, so if you have heard this one before, chalk it up to the Nyquil, K? Here goes:

One time I was working the relief frequency and I sent a message around the room asking if anyone wanted a "quickie" which was what we called a bathroom break. One of the other dispatchers stands up and yells over to me, " You just sent that to every officer on the whole shift." Which was about 30+ officers. Needless to say I got quite a few MDT messages back. So many in fact, it flooded our system and I finally had to log off, in utter shame and humiliation.

Flash forward a few months I was down in the sally port gabbing with my favorite LT. I told him the above Hall of Shame moment and after he laughed, he said, "Yeah well that is nothing, I heard about this one dispatcher who didn't realize her mike was keyed and she was going on and on for so long, about her Friday night plans!" "Oh, yeah...." I replied, "That was me too...." And as he stared at me open mouthed, I added, "And for the record it was my Saturday night plans...." Ugh, mortifying!

[PS I looooove Deputy Weigel from Reno 911, but anyone else out there think they should add an insane dispatcher? Just me? OK, crawling back into my hole now.]

What am I Supposed to Think????

Those fishnets, those sassy heels, that naughty garter, I just don't know how I am supposed to take this... Ewe think ewe know someone and then something like this happens.....

Marriage in Crisis

After almost 10 years of marriage, TEN YEARS, this happens. What do I do? Do I confront him? Do I ask him if this is a one time thing? Was he just curious? Why did he save it? I am so confused. And a little jealous. This is real, I really did find the following picture saved among hundreds of recent pictures of Little Man. This is just.... I don't know what to say. I know he meets unsavory characters on his job. I know he gets propsitioned. But to have something like this in our own home. Did he meet her out there on the streets? How can I ever trust him again...Is she prettier than me? Smarter? What do you think of her?

Sick as a Dog

Oh man, we are so sick here in the 5150 Household! First Little Man got sick, then Chris, then me, then Chris got better and Little Man and I got worse. Ugh, I feel like my head is going to explode. Poor Little Man acts like we are sucking out his brains every time we use that nasal bulb thingy, (we call it the nose goblin retriever, I'm not sure what normal people call them). So Chris decides to see what all the fuss is about and he tried the bulb thingy on himself. He says, "Wow that is pretty horrible....But it does work. And I am not going to try that again." So, I will be back to post more soon, but for now, I am going to crawl back to bed with my new best friend, Green Death Flavored Nyquil.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I am an Ass

I cannot believe how dumb I was yesterday. File this one under "What was I thinking????" I was tired of squeaking in under the wire at my new job so I left super early. I got stuck behind this stupid semi truck on a deserted farm road. I fumed and then when I got into what I thought was the city I work in, I thought to myself, all my guys are in breifing, I can just pass this guy in the turning lane, no one will even notice at this hour. WRONG. Turns out I wasn't into "my" city yet. The SECOND I went to pass this truck (but I mean come one he was going 20 in a 50 zone...) Bam, lights and sirens behind me. I rolled down the window and said loudly to the approaching officer, "I am an ass!" All of the sudden he, listens to his portable, pulls his gun out and backs up, getting behind his car door. Turns out his dispatcher told him the plate was stolen. Not all dispatchers can be good, I guess. He approached cautiously and said, "Is your plate stolen?" And I said, (really good and pissed at his dispatcher, because of him/her, this officer is all jacked up and he has his gun out.) I yelled to him, "If your dispatcher was worth their salt, they would have said "one LOST, or stolen plate." I don't know if it was lost or stolen, it was just gone one day." At this point his dispatcher must have told him about my PD plates so he finally put his gun away and bawled me out for the illegal passing. I deserved that, but I am still fuming about the dispatcher's mistake. But hey, at least I didn't get a ticket! Learn from my mistakes: 1) I am not above the law just because I am married to a cop and work for a PD. 2) Don't walk into your brand new job proclaiming, "I would have been on time had I not been pulled over at gun point by the fuzz." They really look at you funny and it kinda makes you look bad....