That's All Folks....For Now, Anyway

Hello gentle readers, at least for now, this blog will be going on an extended vacation. I am not abandoning it; I love this blog. I am not going to take it down and I will still comment on yours and see how you all are doing. The reason is, as far as Law Enforcement realted material goes, I am all tapped out. I still work on call, for Wonderful PD, but I have not worked in almost 2 months. One of the officers is on light duty and he has taken over the shifts I would normally work. No work means no LE stories. Technically, I could write life stories, but I have a different blog for that, which I completely neglected for this one. Also, I really want this blog to just be PD related. So, it is with a heavy heart that I sign off. I promise, when I pick up any shifts at WPD I'll write again. Thank you so much for being a part of this blog. Sincerely, Rebecca C.

I AM SPARTACUS ! ! ! ! ! !

An excerpt from a letter sent to my personal email address:

"Rebecca, you wrote on your blog (which seems to be abandoned):"5150 is California Welfare and Institutions Code for the lights are on but nobody is home."How can you call yourself a professional, let alone a Christian, with a snide remark like that? Major depression is a medical illness that affects 15 million Americans adults per year. "


Allow me to answer: I feel I have earned the right to describe "5150" any way I want, being is that, I AM one of the 15 million Americans who has been diagnosed with Major Depression. I fight and win that battle on a daily basis. I choose to laugh rather than cry as my own form of therapy. Do I truly care about the mentally ill? I have personally wiped the bubbling foam from a mentally ill person's trachea tube Sunday after Sunday at church services held specifically for the severely physically and mentally disabled. My father is a (LCSW) psychologist, and I grew up on the grounds of a state institution for the mentally ill that he was in charge of, so I feel I have more experience then many, and certainly a more unique viewpoint than most. Should I go on? I lost my entire memory to a medical illness and was nearly, mistakenly, 5150'd myself, years ago. More? How can I call myself Christian? Being, a Christian means I have been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ who died for my sins and yours. Period. It does not mean I am perfect. As a Christian I would never, purposely cause another person, mental anguish. I feel quite certain, my blog has not truly caused you mental anguish; it is about innocuous as they come. In the interest of fairness, Daniel, I have posted your entire email. It is your side of the story in total and I respect it, but you are barking up the wrong tree, coming after me as not understanding the true nature of mental illness. How can I, tritely say what I say in my blog? Because I stand before you personally WITH MY OWN LIGHTS ON AND NOBODY HOME. Thank you for the email and the material.

"Rebecca, you wrote on your blog (which seems to be abandoned):"5150 is California Welfare and Institutions Code for the lights are on but nobody is home."How can you call yourself a professional, let alone a Christian, with a snide remark like that? Major depression is a medical illness that affects 15 million Americans adults per year. Over 10 million Americans have bipolar disorder. Schizophrenia, another medical illness, affects 2 million American adults. Two to 5% of American adults have panic disorder. The aggregate numbers are alarming.Are all of these Americans "crazy?" "Loons?"Only to the untrained and ignorant.Many, many times I have witnessed California's 5150 (72-hour hold) being abused by peace officers; officers who show little to no compassion for people with bona fide medical illnesses. People are routinely humiliated, demoralized, and traumatized by being handcuffed and treated like a prisoner -- all of which stems from simple, but widespread, ignorance.So the tone, title, and subtitle of your blog does not come as a surprise to me. God forbid that you or a loved one ever have to experience any of the illnesses, whether listed above or not, at some point in their life.And spare me the public safety lecture. I've worked in EMS for years.Hoping you see the light,Daniel"

America's Finest Unsung Heroes

The following entry was written by a dear friend of mine. He works at San Diego Police and this picture was taken from the Communtications building.

"Another trajedy has come and gone.

Communications worked their tails off during this event.

We really are America's finest dispatchers and we proved it this week.

Of course there was a lot of chaos, lots of barking orders, but in the end, we made it seem effortless.

We stayed out of the news, which is a good thing. That shows we were doing our job.

There was one sign that disturbed me. It was outside room #213.

It said "food for officers and volunteers only"!

Some things never change!

Thank You my friends for your excellent work! I feel proud to work at SDPD."

My friend reads this blog, so if you would like to leave a message for him and the SDPD dispatchers, I am sure he'd pass it along. Thanks!

That May Take a While......

We had a caller, that threatened suicide. Means? By hypothermia. Now I'm no expert, but how? Why so specific? Why that? What???? Where I live, and where I work, it doesn't even snow. Last night I think it was like, 55 degrees out. All I could picture is some poor, lonely guy filling up his bathtub with ice, and sitting patiently. Is it just me, or is that odd? Dispatchers, cops and family, I would LOVE to here some funny stories, on such and un-funny topic. Got any?

***Honorable Mention****

The following was in the comments section of this blog, but it deserves to be spotlighted. It waaaaay tops my story for humor and creativity. Way to go Stacy!

I was dispatched to an "Attempt by candy bar" once. I was like "What the???" We get on scene an a trooper walks over to me laughing his butt off and goes "He is a diabetic and he says he will kill himself by eating a candy bar if we don't leave." So I walk in and asked him what was going on and he was like "Come any closer and I'll eat it!!! Don't think I wont!!!!"I was like "Hey you know what? I was just getting ready to eat my lunch when they called us and I am really really hungry. Can I have a small bite of your candy bar?" and he goes "Ooooh sure of course" and handed it to me. I proceeded to hand it to the cop who threw it away haha. The guy was like "Awww I can't believe I fell for that." The cops were all upset that they didn't think of it first and transported the guy to cpep. It was pretty funny.

Keep 'em coming guys! These are great stories.

The Deerly Departed

I have told a deer tail or two, in my time. As I mentioned before, they run a bit rampant in Wonderful City. I have told of a time where I got 7 calls for an injured deer while at the same time one block away I only got one call of a man down on a busy street corner. I recently told the tail of the woman cavorting in the middle of the night with a deer that was, well, cavorting in the middle of the night. But this tail, takes the cake.

A deer was run over, or heck perhaps it died of natural causes, but it ended up at the 2600 block of the major avenue. This all started at 0715hrs. It started slowly at first.

"Hi I'd like to report a dead deer at the 2600 block of Main Ave."

"OK, no problem, I'll call the Humane Society and they will pick it up."

Soon after, "Hello, you need to send someone out fast, there is a dead deer out here and it is right in front of the middle school. The children are going to see it!"

"OK, no problem, the Humane Society has been called."

"Tell them it's an emergency!"

Now in the beginning, I asked, why? Why is it an emergency? By the 10th call, I just said OK.

Our Chief was out patrolling, (Totally cool, right? He was doing traffic stops and everything.)

Then he called in a dead deer. Et tu?

Next I got a hysterical caller that wanted us to change the position of the deer because, "It's legs are sticking straight up and that is just upsetting!" Great, I can only imagine the calls we'd get for re-positioning a dead deer....

Later still, (the Humane Society was very busy and this was considered low priority), a woman called because, "There are men in a white van moving a dead deer! They're MOVING IT!!!" "Yes, ma'am they notified me they just trying to help by moving it out of the flow of traffic." "Can they do that??????" She cried, clearly very upset. "Um, sure, if they want to." I answered. I am still not sure why that was so upsetting to her.

About a dozen more dead deer calls later, (that seemed to be increasing in urgency), an Officer came up on the air with a "Callout for Department of Public Works." Before I even thought about it, I said, "Go, ahead.....Unless you are reporting a dead deer...." The officer called me up a moment later laughing and said, he was going to put a sign on top of the deer that said, "I AM OK, I HAVE GONE TO A BETTER PLACE" The Humane Society must have finally came and picked up the deer shortly after that, because at 2:45 in the afternoon, the dead deer calls finally stopped. Whew, just in time. I can only imagine the frenzied callers, if it had still been out there when school got out! Venison, anyone?

I am So Proud

Here is a picture of my brother Jim. He sent the picture from his cell phone, with the text, "New bike, new ticket." [Wiping away a tear] I'm just so darn pround. [Sniff]

Is it just me, or is the CHP officer a bit... fluffy for an officer?

I'll write more soon...

I only have a moment or two, so I would like to share a couple of quick ones:

Said by my favorite salty officer when clearing a barking dog complaint:

"Me and the dog reached an understanding, and he agreed to my terms. Advised, cooperative. 10-8"

"I'll be out with a couple of independent strawberry entrepreneurs."

Later I dispatched this same officer to a hot call. I was a little rusty due to lack of recent shifts, so I was so proud that I remained calm, relayed the suspects descriptions, and no weapons mentioned, past contacts, etc. When I finally un-keyed the mic to take a huge relieved breath, the officer said,

"That's all great, but where am I going?"

I forgot to tell him where to go! Duh, that's dispatching 101: Location, location, location. Mortifying.

Pop Quiz Hot Shots

First person to tell me why it is a CRIME that gas prices have reached $2.86 wins..... the admiration of their peers.

Hint: $2.61 would have been even funnier

Wadical? Let 'er Rip

I get emails of comments so that if someone comments on something older, I'll still see it. I found this comment on my "24 Beers in a Case, 24 hours in a day...Coincidence, I think not" entry. It was written yesterday at about 7pm. I left the spelling errors, censored the language a bit. Obviously this guy thought he found a different kind of site. I was going to delete it, (I did delete it from the post) then I thought why not have a little fun. Wadical, you are so much better at this kind of thing. Do you mind responding to our wayward visitor from Trenton, New Jersey? (Thank you Statcounter, you are both incredibly creepy and very useful.)


Anonymous said...


cops suck there dirty and there d**ks for no good reason.... because they think there better than the law.....complete bulls**t. i had a cop tell mer personally he saw a coke dealer driving around and he knew he was a dealer and so the cop pulled him over and smashed his tail light with his flashlight so he would have a reason to pull him over. Thats so d**k you cant do that its completely illegal. that code 7 picture..is that really right to have that many police in one place honestly its just a huge waste of $ and resources.

Wight Wing Wadical said...

(Knuckles Cracking...get the kids out of the room.)

First of all, I got no respect for "ANONYMOUS" contributers who have such limited vocabulary that they must resort to no less than 3 obscenities in the course of one very poorly constructed paragraph. From the content and quality of your composition, it is obvious that you're approximately ankle deep in the gene pool, drawing into question both the validity of your claim as well as your assessment of it. But let us assume for one moment (for the sake of your pathetic argument) that what you "say" happened "actually" happened and that you're not just recalling some episode of Reno 9-1-1 you watched while cranked up on some of that "coke" you're so concerned about being unmolested in its distribution. Let us assume for a fraction of a moment that it would be preferable for a community to have coke dealers on the street "driving around" without any fear of coming into contact with the local constabulary....WHO GIVES A CRAP? The dealer, his customer and Jesse Jackson, that's who! You ain't Jesse Jackson, so I guess that kinda narrows it down now doesn't it? Because I assure you that a staggering majority of the tax paying, job holding, registered voting, citizens who actually choose to contribute to the Gross National Product rather than suckle from its worn out teat certainly don't give a tinker's damn about their friendly neighborhood crack dealer's tail light nor his civil liberty to roam the streets! You consider it "...so d**ck" and "...completely illegal". I consider it more like... "pass interference in the end zone". In other words, "acceptable" considering the alternative would be that the crack slinging malcontent would complete his transaction unfettered thus contributing (in no small part) to the decline of the community who's responsibility it is for the offending police officer to protect and serve.When you choose to live outside the law, you forfeit your right to cry "foul" when a rule is cracked to catch you doing so. Go back to sleep, "Anonymous", if your local supplier gets locked up there will, no doubt, be another who is willing to step up and take his place.

Breastfeeding in Not a Crime

This post will seem totally out of left field, but not to me. Today I have got babies on the brain. (Still no luck on that front BTW.) I have previously mentioned my stance on nursing; I know it is a natural bodily function, but so is urinating, and you won't see me doing that in public, either. Earlier today I was cuddling with Little Man, and he is getting so big! I was thinking back to when he was a newborn and this story popped into my head. This may be one of those "you had to be there" situations, but really, when has that stopped me before?

So we have a Sgt. who is a very good cop, but he is very strict with dispatchers. I was working an 8 hour shift and I asked the Sgt to please come into dispatch.

Me: Sir, I need a 20 minute break.

Sarge: You already had your lunch break, so I'm sorry, you can't have a 20 minute break. I'll get an officer to give you a bathroom break if you want.

Me: Um, I am going to need a little more time than that.

Sarge: Why?

Me: I just need more time.

Sarge: Well, you are not entitled to another break.

Me: Well, technically, that's the point. This kind of break I am entitled to.... [Boy I didn't want to spell this one out, I am so private about such matters.] You know? [I begin pleading with my eyes, chanting in my head "dontmakemesayitdontmakemesayit"]

Sarge: No, I don't know.

Me: Um, sir? You have daughters right?

Sarge: [Not following my train of thought]...Yes

Me: And your wife...did she, well, you know, um.

Sarge: What?

Me: [Practically shouting] Nurse! Nurse ! Did she nurse!

Sarge: [Shouting back]: OH! Oh! [ He turned red, accidentally looks at the boobs in question, gets more flustered and begins talking to the ceiling] Oh, yes Mrs. Sarge did that! That is the most natural thing in the world. You know, it is so natural that---

Me: Yes, yes, [cutting him off because I am absolutely mortified] So...?

Sarge: Oh, no problem, absolutely no problem. I will get an officer in here immediately.

Me: There is no rush, I just needed to warn you so arrangements could be made.

Sarge: Not a problem! Officer S will be in here at 9pm promptly so you can pu----

Me: Thank you! Thank you, sir. Sorry for the hassle. There is no need to tell Officer S why. I'll be as quick as possible.

Then at 8:55pm Officer S walks in. Officer S is one of my favorites. He is a salty dog and he is not a softie by any stretch of the imagination, so right away his gentle demeanor was making me nervous!

Officer S: So, go ahead and take your time. Um, feel free to use the bathroom at the end of the hall, it's bigger. Perhaps, if you like, you can, um, light some candles and maybe play some soft music, or something.

At this point, I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.

Me: No. I'll be back in 20 or less. Thank you.

Officer S: No, problem, it's the most natural thing----

Me: Thank you!

Anyway, after this embarrassing incident, I didn't take any more shifts until I was done nursing. It was a pain all the way around, and although the agency was wonderful as usual, I just felt weird about asking for special time. Told you it was a random entry!

Welcome Gentle Readers, New and Old

I would like to take a moment to thank all of my loyal readers. You guys, are so awesome. I love that there are so many other cops and dispatchers who share similar experiences. I would also like to take a moment to welcome all the new readers from the command staff at Wonderful PD, and some old friends from Huge PD. I really like this blog. I like the feeling of venting and commraderie that I get with other people out there who "get it". I have so many stories to share from the 4 very different PDs I have worked at, my own life stuff, and stories from my husband's job. This blog is my creative outlet. It's mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. And, as it is mine, I reserve the right to exaggerate real life events to make them more enjoyable to the reader. At times I have taken two stories and blended them into one. I have always changed names, times and skewed actual events just enough to protect my privacy both at home and on the job. Be forewarned, comments on my entries are welcomed and encouraged. However, any comments that I feel are inappropriate, or I feel may lead to discocery of my location at home or at any of the jobs I have ever worked, (past and present), will be promptly deleted. Then, my husband will hunt you down. Just kidding! Or am I...That said, allow me to share my latest bonehead moment.

I sent Officer F on what I thought was just a usuall Citizen Contact/Officer Assist. Later from talking to the caller I realized it was a potential officer safety/5150 contact. So I said:

Officer C to cover Officer F due to his unstable nature.....[Long open miked pause as I realized how that sounded]... Clarification the caller is unstable not Officer F....

Geez! And that's what happens when I go a month without working, I get rusty!

A Vicious Circle

The entire police department received the following email, which began like this:

"All Sworn Personnel,

Hostile Work Environment/Sexual Harassment Prevention training and Taser Deployment training will be conducted on Friday..."

That's as far as I went, and I just couldn't stop laughing. Are they combining those classes? Are they going to taze the people who are sexually harassing others? And wouldn't that in effect create a hostile work environment? It's 3 am, I honestly have no idea if that is as funny as I think it is, or if I've gotten loopy. I'll tell you after I attend the class tomorrow morning. Boy I'll be careful what I say though. "Morning, Sarge, you look nice today." TZZZZZZZT. "Ahhhh! I take it back! I take it back!" Oh, man I've got the giggles now.

Me Talk Real Good

The problem with going one entire month without working, is that I get rusty. I get my rhythm back pretty quickly but sometimes, I just make an A$$ of myself.

I had sent officer M to a call, that seemed to be a single officer, kinda lame Citizen's Assist/Outside Agency Assist call. I then determined I should send a back up unit due to some additional information. So, I said:




"Unit 1 to cover Unit 3 due to his unstable nature.....[long pause as I slowly realized how that sounded] Clarification, the caller is unstable not Unit 3... "

Sigh, yes I am that talented a dispatcher.

Let's Be Realistic

I haven't had many shifts recently, hence my lack of posts. I just completed a class on Hostage Negotiations for Dispatchers. It was an awesome class; I really learned some great techniques that I will employ with my next suicidal caller. As for the validity of the class? Well, instead of 8 hours of how to handle a hostage taker or barricaded suspect, it could have been summed up in one brief comment: "Don't get your feelings hurt when the detective/Sgt./LT/Captain or Chief, rips the phone away from you and takes over." Seriously.

I finally work a graveyard shift this Thursday. Those are always ripe with material. I will be updating then. Talk to you soon!

We Can Learn A Lot From Our Elders

An elderly lady called in and said, "I have a noise complaint. The people next door are yelling up a storm. Can you hear them in the background? Here, I'll put the phone out the window." A much given response of, "That won't be necessary---" was halted mid-sentence because for once the noise was so loud, when the RP held the phone up, you could hear what she was complaining about. (99 times out of 100 the rp wants the dispatcher to experience the noise, and 99 time out of 100 I say, "No, no, don't hang the phone out the window, it doesn't matter if I can hear it or not, it is your peace being disturbed not mine." Besides, we usually can't hear the barking dog/party call/neighbors running around in the upstairs apartment, they are calling about.) This time was an exception. In what was almost THX clear audio, was a couple who were obviously in the throes of er, passion. The elderly lady then brought the phone back and said, "I mean honestly, no one is that good." I couldn't help it, without hitting the mute button, I laughed so hard! "I mean, am I right? Or what?" She said, also laughing. It was awesome.

Couldn't Have Happened to a Nicer Officer

Let me begin this post by saying, even the very few officers that regularly treated me like crap at Evil PD, were given my "A" game. Yes, there was a time or two where I was lured into the back and forth"who can give the meanest tone of voice on the radio." If I want to, I can be the queen of the bad attitude. My voice can drip with such scathing tones, your ears will melt off. I digress, that is a post for another time, this is an Evil PD story. There's this officer there, I will call her Officer M. She had about 3 years experience at the time, she is about 5'4" in decent shape and probably about 25 years old. That's all fine, but she walks around with this swagger, thumbs hooked in her duty belt and all, like she's all that and a tub of biscuits. It wasn't that she was really mean to me, it is just she thought she was a complete bad a$$ and treated others as if they were insignificant. So, every year in Evil City there is an Air Show at the local airport. Memos are emailed out for weeks leading up to it and they get posted all over the station, warning officers and dispatchers that there is a part of the show where a stunt helicopter appears to crash, but that it is well rehearsed and just fine. Every year we get about 25 frantic 911 callers, screaming into the phone about a crash at the airport, and every year we calm them down, with the aforementioned explanation. Bottom line, we expect the callers to call and the frantic citizens to flag down officers. What we don't expect is the following to happen:

Officer M: I'll be making an 1186 at---OH MY GAWD! SEND FIRE AND MEDICS CODE 3 TO THE EVIL AIRPORT THERE HAS BEEN A HELICOPTER CRASH!!!!!!

Me: [In an extremely calm, level voice] Negative Officer M, please 1021 radio.

Officer M: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GIVE YOU A CALL RIGHT NOW!!!! SEND FIRE AND MEDICS NOW!!!! I AM ROLLING CODE 3 TO THE SCENE.

Me: [Genuinely hoping I can help her save face.] Reduce code, and 1021 dispatch immediately.

Officer M: NO ! I AM ALMOST 97. I WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THE CRASH IN JUST A SECOND. OK, I SEE IT!!!!!!! LET FIRE KNOW......oh.... Nevermind.

Me: Yes. Now, please 1021 radio.

And the radio clicks went on for over a minute. She was called Officer Mayday for a really long time. I would like to say that she learned something from the experience or at least that she calmed down a bit but I can't. In fact the reason I wrote this random Evil PD story is that I just heard that Officer Mayday was recently at a Party/Noise complaint call, had her taser out, tripped and fell and tased herself. Amazing.

You've Come A Long Way Baby!!!!

Today is Little Man's second birthday! We are going out to have some fun now. Write more later, I promise.

Havin' a sHELL of a Good Time!

Hello! I have not fallen off the face of the planet. I am in fact, on a long overdue vacation. I will be back and blogging no later than my next work shift--Tuesday. (Day shift) Hope you all are doing great.

Join Me for a Sit-Along !

I am taking you with me tonight. You will be with me all 12 hours. Yippee, it will be fun. I will update this post all night long. Every single call, and dispatch will be logged. I am not saying it will be exciting, but it should be interesting. Here we go!

1745-1845hrs: Get up, get ready, go pick up some Baja Fresh for dinner. 2 carne asada tacos, a side order of chips, a coke and a churro. Got my fuel for the night.

1845hrs: Arrive at work and overhear the oncoming shift talking about having an "1186 Contest." That is, who can make the most traffic stops. Uh oh, better eat fast!

1857hrs: 911 from a cell, unable to call back due to area code being (911). That means it's an unassigned cell. Luckily it just sounded like a child playing.

1901hrs: Neighboring city transfers a call of two black Mercedes speeding south bound into our city, along the state route. Read, dumped the call, because I guarantee, it was speeding through their city and they just assumed it going to come flying into ours. I put it out on the air as a BOL and dumped, er I mean, passed along the information to the city south of ours.

1912hrs: Fire dispatcher calls and requests a unit. They arrived to investigate a smoke alarm and the back door has been forced open.

1918hrs: 911 medical for an elderly male. Conscious/breathing transferred to fire. (We answer all 911 calls here but fire and medics go to the county dispatcher.

1920hrs: Witness wanting to ID a suspect from earlier incident. Transferred to officer handling

1920hrs: Unit at fire call goes Code 4. It was the fire department that forced open the door. Someone left a pan on the stove.

1921hrs: Same child on untraceable cell calls 911 and talks incoherently. [Note to people with children: Cell phones are not toys! Even ones you no longer pay for have 911 access.]

1930hrs: Officer Brett requested I try to find a phone number to the resident. I located a number, called it and Officer Brett answered. We both promptly concluded this did no good.

1941hrs: Fire and Officer Brett clear the residence after leaving a note. I return to shoveling down as much food as possible before the next call.

1944hrs-2100hrs: (I was giving every single incident it's own log time, but it was getting really long and boring. So I'm lumping the routine stuff together.) Witness transferred to officer's voicemail. Female at the PD reporting a lost wallet. Detective calls in for case number.Traffic stop with a parolee, random call, more Baja Fresh, traffic stop, daughter of female in the PD lobby finds the wallet at home. Chris sends me cell phone text picture of Little Man eating dinner and I almost cry because I haven't seen him since Monday afternoon. Parking complaint, Traffic stop, some callers and a failed attempt at putting the radio traffic of last nights pursuit, from the computer onto a CD for court. (Boy, Ron, I coulda used your expertise. I am so inept with computers.)

2100hrs-2200hrs: Parking complaint, noise complaint, and traffic stops. More Baja Fresh scarfed down.

2200hrs-2300hrs: Sappy phone call from my husband who couldn't sleep. Traffic stops. Woman locked out of her apartment. Tiny bit of light reading squeezed in.

2300hrs-Ooooh fight call! All units enroute now. 7 subjects fist fighting on the train platform.

2302hrs: Units arrive. 5-6 subject seen, not fighting.

2304hrs: Witness says it is male vs. female. Conducting area check. 4+ units 97 (onscene), sheriff almost 97 . WFA 20s blnd, WMA 20s with a cut on his face. Both outstanding.

2317hrs: Hello? Where did everybody go? No one is saying anything on the radio....

2318hrs: That was a big fat nothing. They couldn't find them.

2330hrs: Male and female fighting in the street. Two units and a Sgt. responding. Other unit on a traffic stop.

2332hrs: Out with both subjects.

{In the middle of this a detective has come up yelling his call sign. I think, Holy crap! it must be something important to be yelling and to interrupt an in progress fight call. Nope. He just wants me to call a cab for a citizen. After a few minutes, I still had not gotten a chance to call the cab. The defective called me and asked, "What is the ETA for my cab?" I tell him I am a bit busy with a fight call, it will be another moment, would he like the cab's phone number and he can call for himself? He actually had the audacity to say, "Well, I have never had to do that before, I'm not sure I know how." I politely told him to just call the cab and give him his location, that if he had any issues, to let me know and by then I'd probably be free. Honestly, I know he has a cell phone, because he is calling me. He is armed and fully trained; am I to believe he is unable to wield a cell phone???}

2343hrs: Units code 4

2350hrs: Units clear. No DV., the wife was angry at husband for staying out late drinking with college buddies on a week night. Verbal only.

2350hrs-0012hrs: Silence. Blessed silence.

0012hrs: County wide BOL put out over all local radio frequencies. Officer Safety: 211 in a nearby city, just occurred with a handgun. 3 BMA suspects in a mall white vehicle.

0012hrs-0200hrs: Traffic stops, 1154 (Suspicious vehicle) a few 1066s (Suspicious persons), party call where the revelers were throwing empty beer bottles at passing cars, a few traffic stops.

0200hrs-0300hrs: CODE 7

0305hrs-Caller asking a lot of questions regarding identity theft. How to go about reporting it etc. I give him the information and he says, "Good, good, thank you. I'll just gather up all the paperwork and head on down there to make the report." "OK," I say, "We're open all night." But what I am thinking is, why on earth are you up at 3 in the morning? Why can't you get some sleep and come take care of it first thing in the morning? It makes me wonder. Same with when an RP calls at like 0330 in the morning and says, "I was just looking out my bedroom window and I saw...." Why? Why were you "just staring out your window" right smack in the middle of the night? Oh that I could be the one at home in the middle of the night! I never take my bed or pillow for granted and if I were home right now we'd be locked in a passionate embrace.

0310hrs-0528hrs: Watch a DVD. (I am allowed to.) Almost no radio traffic and zero phone calls.

0545: All is silent still so I head to the restroom. Without going into graphic detail, I get comfortable and an officer goes out on a traffic stop. I pull up my pants, run into dispatch and answer the officer. The radio isn't working because of the way my headset is wrongly plugged in. An officer and Sgt. come into dispatch to make sure I am OK and that I heard the traffic, only to observe me wrapped in the telephone cord and attempting to zip up my pants. Classic.

0530hrs-0645hrs: Start entering a giant stack of citations into the system. I got almost two completed. The officers were going crazy with traffic stops. Also we get a lot of medical calls, and vandalism/car burgs that occured overnight, first thing in the morning

0630-0645hrs: The CLETs system goes down so I can't run out any people or plates. Nevertheless, several officers attempt to do so, even though they have been notified.

0645hrs: San Bernadino County Sheriffs called to confirm a warrant. When I finally found it in the warrant files it was so old, the paper was disintegrating. It was a drunk driving warrant for 1,000 dollars form the '80s

0700hrs: The day shift dispatcher, Dino, has arrived. Yay! So, that was a pretty typical shift. Not always exciting but definitely interesting. Man, I love my job. And now I am off to see my sweet boy and reunite with my beloved pillow.

Who's on First?

Sometimes you can't get good information from callers because their accent is so strong, you just can't understand them. Sometimes you can't get good information from callers because of a language barrier. Try as you might, it just ain't happening. Sometimes you can't understand the caller because their crappy cell phone keeps cutting out. Sometimes you can't get good information from callers because they are just plain stupid. And every now and then the four types of difficult callers meld together to create a really, really frustrating experience. Like the call I got today. Imagine if you will a female, with a very thick accent, (doesn't really matter which kind), a horrible cell connection and definitely English as a third, or possibly fourth language.

Me: 911 emergency

Caller: I at is room for laundry. Come now. Brother not treating me well.

Me: What is your location?

Caller: Yes.

Me: I see you are calling from a cell phone. I do not know your location.

Caller: Yes.

Me: Where are you?

Caller: I [cell static] here.

Me: Where is here? What is your location? What address are you at?

Caller: I am in the room of laundry.

Me: You are at a laundry mat?

Caller: NO! (As if I am the stupid/unintelligible one.)

Me: Ma'am, I don't know where to send my officer. What address are you at.

Caller: My cross street is Glade.

Me: But what is your address?

Caller: The cross street is Glade.

Me: Ma'am without an address, the cross street doesn't help me. What is your address?

Caller: It is 360. Now send the polices.

Me: 360, is the street number, what is the street address.

Caller: Glade

Me: Isn't Glade the cross street???

Caller: Yes. Send the polices now, for my brother.

Me: What. Street. Are. You. On? 360.........

Caller: Reston!

Me: Good! OK 360 Reston. That is the Glade apartments. What apartment are you in?

Caller: Yes.

Me: What is the number of the apartment you are in.

Caller: I am not in apartment! Room of laundry!

Me: Are you in the laundry room of the apartment complex at 360 Reston?

Caller: Yes!

Me: OK. Is your brother there now?

Caller: He---[static]

Me: Please say that again, your cell cut out.

Caller: I said, he is not here.

Me: OK, can you go back to your apartment, and wait for the police?

Caller: What apartment?

Me: Your apartment.

Caller: I don't have and apartment.

Me: ... I thought you were in the laundry room of the Glade Apartment complex.

Caller: Yes.

Me: But you don't have an apartment there?

Caller: No, I am staying at a hotel nearby.

Me: [At this point, I know she is safe, I know where she is, I just don't even care to know why on earth she is doing her laundry at some random apartment complex.] OK. What is your phone number?

Caller: 4.

Me: What is the phone number for the cell that you are calling me on.

Caller: 2.

Me: [What the H#$*????] OK. Ma'am just wait there in the laundry room and I will send an officer to come talk to you.

Caller: You send the polices now.

Me: Yes. Please stay put.

Caller: OK, I will go there.

Me: No, I mean just stay where you are.

The officer arrived onscene and cleared "advised" within about 1 1/2 minutes. Big surprise.